I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
