If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
