why do cheetos always look like penises
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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