woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
