I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
