So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
