We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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