before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
