Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
