I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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