Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
