I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize