I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we made out on top of his cat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
