Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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