I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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