got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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