I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
