I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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