Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
