That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
