Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
