we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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