i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
