I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
