i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
