I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
