You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
