if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize