I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
