A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I need moral support for this bender
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
