you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
