I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
