just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
