I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
