did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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