if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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