Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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