Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize