That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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