you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
