I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
