We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
