Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
