Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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