What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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