i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this boner is exhausting
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
