yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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