dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sarcasm needs its own font
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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