i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
