you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
