Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
