God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dating After Heartbreak
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way