My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?