Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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