he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
