I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
