I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
