its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
