all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
