i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
