His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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