That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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