i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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