I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
