why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
