what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
