he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
