Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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