Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
