the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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