I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
