Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
