it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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