TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
