just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
