we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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