update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
