Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
