You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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