I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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