38 yer olds are good kisserssss
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had sex on a roof
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
