he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Found the puke drawer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
