I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
