nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
