Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
