I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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