If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
