My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She said her name was "party"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
