I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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