I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
