I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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